Question of the day: Should I tell my children an infidelity?

• April 26, 2024

Big or small, the children they are involuntary participants of the conjugal "battles", and their security and self-esteem can be damaged. So tell your kids about the infidelity of your partner is a decision you should make with your well-being in mind.

Usually people who think that their children they should know about infidelity, they argue that they have the right to know why the tension is very high at home, or in some cases, why there is a separation, "he says. Scott Haltzman , psychiatrist member of the American Psychiatric Association .

But the nature of the monogamy It is a difficult concept for very young children to understand, and most of those who grow up in intact families have a general feeling that their parents they should only be affectionate towards each other, explains the expert.

In this sense, when there is a infidelity It is true that children can feel hurt when they discover an uncomfortable truth about one of their parents. So before deciding if you should know it is worth asking the reasons why you would tell them.

Are you going to tell them because it is information that they must know, to give "free rein" to your anger or to inflict damage on your spouse? Your children should not be used to hurt another or as your personal therapists? "Explains Haltzman.

On the other hand, the psychologist Betty W. Phillips , indicates that if you decide to tell your children about the infidelity , try to give them as little information as possible and do not speak ill of your partner. For them to hear criticism from one of their parents towards the other can damage their self esteem .

The most advisable is that both talk with your children in a quiet way, for any news they want to share, especially if it is an infidelity or separation . A united front is soothing for children, even when the news is bad, says Phillips.

Keep in mind that the quality of relationship between you and your children is the most important thing. Many parents who can not sustain a marriage after an infidelity manage to provide a breeding competent and adequate.

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