Emotional deprivation and children

• April 26, 2024

A very dear friend asked me to write about the mother-children relationship . It is a subject that invites deep reflections and can be approached from very different angles. I decided to touch it from the perspective of emotional lacks, because in my professional work I find myself much more often than I want with abused children emotionally by their parents.

I find daughters who feel ugly because their mothers insist that they lose weight or simply do not see the beauty of their daughters. I meet children who know they are rejected because they are not for their mothers what they need. Young people worried for the marriages from their parents, from the work of their parents, from the loneliness of their mothers or from the inability of one of their parents to be well.

I believe that the first obligation we have when educating a child is to be a safe support. Who can our children trust to acquire the tools that will enable them to achieve a good life?

Usually, The stage of life of our children that we work hardest, is in which we suffer more and we have not resolved. It often happens that we did have a difficult adolescence We feel fear, anger and even envy of the adolescence of our children.

The same happens if we are dissatisfied with our lives: then we do not want them to grow, to leave, to leave us. Manipulate the children It is easy and also common. Claim them for what we do for them too. We must be much better than that. Facilitate the road taking respect and admiration for them.

When there is overprotection in fact we are too identified with them and who we are protecting is ourselves: from the fear that they do not want us. Our duty is to educate them. Do not stop them from growing up or solving what they can do for themselves. Nothing more harmful than cutting their wings and making them weak beings.

The relationship with the daughters is very different than the relationship with the children. In general, the relationship with the child of the opposite sex is the easiest relationship. The influences of the culture help to make the relationship with their son much easier than with their daughter.

However, it is necessary to distinguish clearly between the love and domination. Between love and control . Never cross the line of respect. Do not live our life through them. Give support, hope, believe in them and demand everything they can give. Recognize that they are not for satisfy our emotional needs , or to solve what we have not managed to do