At some point in life we have all been the perfect victim of a blackmailer. It is not that we are always easy prey, but, as he explains Susan Forward, author of the book Emotional Blackmail, Editorial Grijalbo :
They practically prevent us from seeing how they manipulate us, since they spread a thick fog that conceals their actions ... This fog synthesizes fear, obligation and guilt: the instruments they use ".
A blackmailer has very valuable information at your disposal, which includes knowing the value that the relationship with him can have for you, and if that is not enough, he also knows the weak points you have and can use to get what you need. wants you, which is clear, is not conditioned to how much you appreciate, will do so as many times as necessary for their purposes.
You can rarely argue if you are with a blackmailing person, so we give you the following signals:
1. Threatens to make life difficult or leave the relationship, if you do not do what you want.
2. Tells you clearly or suggests that you will be hurt or sad, if you do not give in to their request.
3. Always expect you to give much more than you already give.
4. He often assumes that you will give in to what he asks of you.
5. Ignores or does not attend to your feelings and aspirations.
6. They make you valuable promises, which are conditioned on your behavior, and, in addition, rarely comply.
7. It catalogs you as selfish, insensitive or interested when you do not give in.
8. Praise you when you meet your expectations and withdraw it if you stand firm.
9. Use money as a tool of power over you.
If you identify with even one of these options, you are facing an emotional blackmailer.
In this regard the author explains that: The blackmail does not take root without our help. Remember that blackmail requires two, and the next step is to see how we collaborate as a target of blackmail. "
Susan Fordward It suggests that when you detect it, analyze the origin of the demand, if there is something in it that bothers you and discover what it is about. You should also find what you find unacceptable and if what you request will cause harm, either to you or to a third party.
Another point to consider refers to the fact of what it means for you to give in, how much you agree with the situation and how beneficial it is for both parties.
Of course, this is a change of procedure that is not achieved from one day to the next, but as long as you are aware of its repercussion and that getting down to work is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship, you will recognize the benefits and it will be easier for you to keep an eye on yourself and not fall back into blackmail.