Which is the solution then? Never say never

There is nothing wrong with discuss with your partner . It is normal and shows that both try to solve a problem that affects them. But what it is about is that an agreement be reached and that the discussion does not end worse than it started. To do this, avoid the two forbidden words of any discussion. Guess what they are?

One way to start improving communication techniques is to know the two words that, uttered during a fight, do not bring anything good : "Always" and "never".

For example:

"You always leave the wet towel on the bed."

"It's that you never wash the dishes."

First, both examples are completely false: it is impossible for a person to always leave the wet towel on the bed, because that would mean that he does it from the beginning of time, even before the Big Bang. Or, in the case of frets, I would like to say that that person has not washed a single dish, nor by accident, in all its existence (which is unlikely).

Secondly, life is not black and white and generalizations usually do not help . The moment one of the two says one of the two "anticalabras", the other party feels automatically attacked. Thus, a simple comment becomes an exchange of complaints and reproaches; a competition to demonstrate who is the most responsible / clean / considerate of the relationship.

Which is the solution then? Never say never"?

Learning to listen is the first step. Understand that discussions are not a matter of winners and losers, but a team work in which both are the beneficiaries . Try to understand what your partner is trying to tell you and pay attention in a genuine way.

The second step is to know express needs, without attacking . Instead of generalizing, explain clearly what is bothering you and show your willingness to find a solution. Both points apply to both sides.

In the end, the couple is also the person with whom we know that, at least once in a lifetime, we will discuss. Better be one that plays clean. Start by being that person!

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