For most women the birth of their children is an extraordinary experience that they try to enjoy to the fullest; However, for some, it may represent sadness, so it is common for them to suffer depression postpartum
Postpartum depression is a very difficult disease. To overcome it, a lot of support is needed from the family, friends, couple, and in some cases, specialists.
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And although it is a relatively common condition, because it affects between 10% and 20% of women who have just had a baby, they all live it differently; so nobody can put themselves in the shoes of whoever is going through this problem.
For this reason, we bring you some suggestions of what you should avoid telling a mom who is going through this situation, since some things can make her feel worse.
1. "It all happens to them." Yes, it is common for moms to go through a period called "maternal sadness" after childbirth, but that does not mean they all go through the depression postpartum However, the worst part of this sentence is that by telling someone who feels terrible, you are playing down their feelings and even their needs. Remember that not because postpartum depression is common means that it is easy to overcome.
2. "You always wanted to be a mom, you should be happy." Obviously the mother with depression I would prefer to be with your baby instead of feeling so bad, but you can not control it. By using this phrase, you are only causing her to increase her guilt and the feeling that she is a bad mother (or person) for not feeling happy.
3. "If I had a baby I would not have time to get depressed." It is true that when you have just had a baby you are busy all day taking care of it. However, the depression postpartum does not depend on the amount of free time you have and does not mean that whoever has it is "lazy". This phrase will only make the listener more guilty for his condition.
4. "You would feel better if ..." How many sentences do you come up with to finish this sentence? Here are some: You exercise, you go out with your friends, you relax, you think more positive ... in short, there is an endless list of tips, that although well intentioned, are very inappropriate for a woman with depression postpartum
Keep in mind that there are no easy solutions to this problem, so doing any of those things will not make the woman feel better; on the contrary, when you do not have the will or intention to do them, you will feel worse. Instead of this, if you went through depression you could mention what worked for you: "I did this and it worked for me", but do not repeat it every time, maybe she does not need the same thing you do.
Remember, depression is not a condition that is sought or desired, so be more empathetic with moms who experience it. Instead of using phrases to "raise awareness," try to be cooperative with your feelings and show that you can count on your full support.
What you can do is encourage her to seek professional support to overcome this stage. Good luck!
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