• April 20, 2024

Without a doubt, we have all felt sad, upset or afraid of different situations. That is perfectly normal, but why on many occasions do you hide your emotional pain and pretend to be strong?

Why do you feel responsible for not "falling" in the eyes of others? Why do you equate emotional expression as a sign of weakness?

What is "becoming strong"?

It is trying to hide an emotional pain, mainly that produced by emotions or feelings of: sadness, anger, worry, fear, shame, rejection, lack of love, etc.

This concealment is usually before others, but it can also be applied to the very recognition of feeling bad, with the intention of not feeling worse.

How do you hide your emotional pain?

Negation

When you perceive that a person is not in a state of habitual balance, we usually ask things like: What do you have, are you angry / sad / upset ?; I see you weird, is something wrong with you?

If the person finds it uncomfortable to expose their emotional pain, they will tend to use denial as a defense mechanism.

Fake identity

Sometimes the person moves away or temporarily isolates from the sight of others, so as not to make evident their discomfort. Then a "false identity" of "strength" is created where the "must be strong" is the pillar that holds this fictional character.

The "character" can be strong, carefree, mocking, super controlled, hyper rational, etc.

Why become strong and deny emotions?

In general we can say that fear is the central component of this behavior:

• Fear of rejection or exclusion
• Fear that others also suffer
• Afraid to show what it feels like
• Fear of accepting reality

Does it work to become the strong one?

Suppressing emotional output or expression does not make you suppress emotions.

Like any defense mechanism, it only has temporary benefits, when it is done for a short period of time: It gives the mind the opportunity to assimilate very painful facts or information.

It allows you to act more appropriately in compromised situations.

When does it stop being healthy and what negative effects does it produce?

1. When this attitude is maintained more as a way of life than as a temporary reaction.
2. Denying reality prevents you from taking actions and decisions about what happens, so you can not find solutions.
3. Pretending to be good insulates you from the empathy of others, which ultimately ends up leaving you alone.
4. It makes you endure painful situations for a long time; for example, a bad relationship between couples because they believe that is "right".
5. Multiply your problems, because it makes you feel responsible for the welfare of others; Then, you carry your worry plus the worry of not worrying others.
6. It prevents you from seeking help, because "nothing happens to you", nothing needs anyone.
7. You become rigid, irritable, intolerant and isolated, because you consume a lot of energy and make very precise adjustments to your behavior so as not to lose control.

What to do?

1. Remember that emotional expression is an essential part of who we are.
2. Remember that you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings or happiness.
3. Those who want to understand you more than reactions to what happens when you isolate yourself, bother or do not want to share your feelings with them.
4. Talking about what you feel is a good way to channel emotions.
5. If you do not validate your own emotions, do not expect others to do it.

It is paradoxical that we are taught that showing our vulnerability is a sign of weakness and that "becoming strong" is correct as a sign of strength. As we have already seen, fear is the main emotion that moves us to hide what we really feel, and that can not be a sign of true strength at any time.

The only way to make yourself strong is to first recognize your weakness
and then make that change.

Video Medicine: Object Lesson On Becoming Strong (April 2024).