The mistakes of marshmallow parents, those who do not put limits

• April 20, 2024

Because they are permissive and condescending in the education of their children, to whom they do not set limits, the specialists define them as marshmallow parents.

In an interview with Excelsior , the director of the Center for Specialization in Psychological Studies of Childhood (CEEPI), Claudia Sotelo Arias, said: "A marshmallow father, whether the mother, the father or both, is a father who is soft like a chocolate, sweet with the children, because the limits are not clear.

It does not represent an authority figure for the boy or girl and it is difficult for him to put habits or even make habits come true ".

The researcher explains that these are parents who are between 30 and 45 years old and who were generally educated within very rigorous schemes that they do not wish to apply to their children.

"We are talking about parents who are trying to modify these square molds with which they were educated, as when with a single glance your dad scolded you. The problem is that he is falling into extremes, because they are afraid of the child's suffering and everything is negotiated while being permissive. "

 

The psychologist says that this type of parents are professionals and work, so they seek to compensate the children by pleasing them, without establishing a discipline.

If the child does not want to eat what is at home, they buy what he asks for. If you do not want to sleep at the time that corresponds, allow it. They do not encourage habits, "said the director of CEEPI.

It adds that another mistake that is made is the fact of putting oneself at the level of the child, because children must learn that within families there are hierarchies and that parents are responsible and are the ones who care for and protect infants.

"As they do not tolerate the suffering of their children, they always give them the possibility of something else. If they have bad behavior, they blame teachers, grandparents or those who care for them.

They fear their children because they fear anger, tantrum or reaction if they say no, and this is a mistake. In the child should be encouraged the feeling of frustration to face life, "he said.

Claudia Sotelo Arias points out that marshmallow parents do not have the awareness that without discipline and without rules they are not educating the child to face the world.

"The problem will not only be suffered at home, but in coexistence with other people. It is not about being authoritarian or imposing, it is about being a figure of authority being understanding and flexible parents, without affecting the child, "explained the psychologist.

 

No tolerance to frustration

According to teacher Susana Salazar Gómora, coordinator of CEEPI, the children of marshmallow parents are children who fail to develop a tolerance for frustration and compete in school or in the family because they are not used to receiving a refusal in response.

"They are children who are going to throw a tantrum when they are not, they are children who will always look for parents to be able to please them everywhere and wherever they may be.

They are children who do not follow the rules within the school and do not manage to work with their classmates, "he explains.

The specialist in child development studies says that due to the lack of rules and habits children also have eating disorders and sleep.

"You have to pay attention: if the three to eight years tantrum is his way of communication, we are talking about a red light." Explain that if this type of behavior is not stopped, the children of marshmallow parents will have a difficult adolescence and adult stage.

"When a child without capacity for frustration reaches adolescence, it becomes more aggressive and can even assault teachers. In addition, they are young people who do not have good consistent school performance and who are prone to addictions. "

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