"Until death separates them" ... The perspective of a shared life can become blurred when in a couple's relationship symptoms of violence begin to manifest themselves as jealousy, attempts to control behavior or limit the circle of friends, destructive criticism in the manner of talk or dress, and even, in extreme cases, blows.
For the teacher Laura Soubrán Ortega , Deputy Director of External Consultation of Youth Integration Centers (CIJ), violence occurs when there is an exercise of unequal power that is based on the premise of control towards the other person for the benefit of "my own needs".
This domain, exercised by both men and women, begins to be generated in a subtle way, with small acts or signals that become everyday and normalize, such as jealousy, "because I love you I take care of you" and "that's why I check your things or your messages on the cell phone. "
These situations, says the specialist, build a relationship of dependence in which the person is isolated from their networks and social activities: "I rely on you" or "you can not alone". Once established, more open patterns of submission, mistreatment, humiliation, restriction of spending or income and insinuation or imposition of sexual practices arise.
And as time goes by, he explains, a cycle of violence is constituted by three phases or stages: accumulation of tension or emotions; explosion manifested through anger or angered acts; and repentance: "it will not happen again", "I was very tense" or "it will not happen again I swear to you".
By constantly repeating this cycle, the phases are shorter and, therefore, the more intense episodes, until the point where violence passes from private to public, because it can no longer be hidden due to the need to ask for help .
The deputy director of CIJ External Consultation affirms that a destructive relationship is recoverable as long as the man and the woman recognize that they suffer from a violent relationship, that is to say, "remove their normalization" comparable to that of an alcoholic, who as a first step has to accept that you have the disease.
From this recognition, it is necessary to understand, understand and review what it means for them, in addition to seeking the advice of experts and institutions such as the National Institute of Women (Inmujeres), the Network of Care Units and Prevention of Family Violence (UAPVIF), Men's Collective for Equal Relationships (CORIAC), among others.
According to the National Survey on the Dynamics of Household Relations (ENDIREH, 2011), the most frequent violence in women continues to be that practiced by the current or last husband or partner. And you, do you suffer violence in the couple?