Learn to identify a violent relationship

• April 18, 2024

The concept of Learned helplessness is relatively new in psychology and refers to the situation that a person lives who is dominated by another and in which the subject already does not even try to defend himself by believing that he will not achieve anything. It is very sad to live such a situation and the ignorance of the phenomenon makes it worse.

Living the "learned helplessness" with the other is the result of various components, among which are:

1. The Subjected person he has internalized the desires and values ​​of who dominates them, even considers it necessary to anticipate them. This means live very aware of the other's mood : do not get mad if I do not give you this or do that. It also assumes that I consider that what the other wants is much more important than anything else, even than what I want.

2. The subject has learned that defending himself not only does not resolve the situation, but even aggravates it. That is to say, his first attempts to defend himself or to oppose the will of the other did not work and then he does not try again because he considers that there is no way to succeed.

Identify a violent person

It is essential to recognize that tolerance to violence It depends on your identification. We can not oppose what does not exist. The violence It is not always manifest with physical beatings or abuse . Violence occurs in relationships in very subtle ways that range from verbal abuse even indifference and silence as a way to dominate the other. A gesture, a word, a silence or an attitude can cause very painful wounds and even permanent damage.

Identify violence is the first step to eradicate it: any of the following behaviors, among others, are violent:

• Aggressive and hurtful comments about your physical appearance, your way of being and your way of acting


• The limitations that others impose on you to separate yourself from friends, friends, family or co-workers, arguing without any evidence that they are not positive for you


• The pressures for you to change behavior through manipulation


• The threats of leaving you, of not giving you money, that someone is going to take his own life if you leave him or punish him in some way


• The sudden mood swings of the other, who attribute to you how if you were to blame


• Humiliations of any kind


• Intrusions to your private life: how to read your mail, check your wallet, listen to your calls, etc.


• The silences of indifference, the gestures of disapproval, not sharing your world with you, belittling you


• All violence or physical abuse


• Forcing yourself to have sex or having sex in ways you do not want


• Discriminate because of your sexual orientation, your economic position, your job, your race, your origins, etc.

The list can be endless, unfortunately, people can develop violence in our relationships even without being aware of it. We must continuously review our ways of acting with others. We must be very attentive to what we feel. If you feel sad, depressed, emotionally exhausted, scared, and especially yes you feel that you are always attentive to the mood of the other person and you worry that he will get angry, to get out of control, to enrage or to violate: be careful.

The moment you give the other the power over your state of mind, at the moment when your attention is focused on detecting any change of mood of the other, It is certain that you can know that you are living a situation of violence. And it is, most likely, the moment in which you should ask for professional help, because if you allow this to continue, you will still have the same problem, the violence does not fix itself and in many cases the aggressive person does not change. It will not be fixed if they speak it, it will not be fixed if you change. It is very hard to accept it: sometimes, the violent person is NOT going to change .

Taking care of ourselves is our greatest responsibility. If we are unhappy, we will make others very unhappy. Let's not blame others for our inability to set limits.

Let's make peace with ourselves. I believe that loving oneself is a task that we should not renounce, the price paid for not loving oneself is too high. I believe that if each one of us becomes responsible for our own inner peace, this will be reflected in the whole of humanity .

Video Medicine: 7 Signs of an "Emotionally Abusive Relationship" (All Women MUST WATCH) (April 2024).