In the hours of pain

"Sometimes, when it would be better for us to be loving and compassionate with the person who is suffering from lost , more failures often result in our communications. " It is the opinion of Eduardo Roselló Toca, a psychotherapist specialized in the treatment of cancer patients, these ill-fated communications are more frequent than we think and have to do with the fear of showing our own emotions and ours pain .

The specialist points, we stop listening to the other , who is suffering with the loss, we use hollow phrases devoid of meaning that do not console. Expressions such as "you will see how time heals everything", "you have to be strong and overcome it", "it is the law of life", it is illustrated what we do not know how to express and which, however, we say.


To the rhythm of each person

Roselló Toca, author of the book "Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry ... ", Notes that the best thing is to accompany the person who suffers, to allow him to speak, not to judge and not to hurry:" to sit by his side without saying anything ... to let him speak ... not to compare with the losses we have had in the past; however interesting or illustrative the comparison may seem to us, it is absolutely irrelevant at that time. "

Allow the person suffering the loss to speak and remember so that, eventually, he can forget. Do not push it, insists the specialist. "Each person has their own rate of recovery, as each vegetable has its own flowering rhythm. Wanting to hurry would mean wanting to impose a rhythm that is not yours. The best thing is that you undertake the actions that seem appropriate when they seem appropriate, "adds the collaborator of the Psychosocial Observatory of Resources in Situations of Disasters of the Universitat Jaume I of Castellón (Spain).


"How are you?"

Saying this simple phrase and listening to what emerges in the process is the best recommendation. Listen to what that person says he is suffering, without arguing or judging. But also, ends Roselló, listen to what, at that moment, dictates our own heart: "what it tells us in those hours of pain. Of pain of the other. Of the pain that is also ours ".

Big ears and small mouths are indispensable to face the duel.

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