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The first thing we must be clear about when we are about to end a relationship are the reasons why we are going to make this difficult decision.
It is never easy to have the initiative because, despite the reasons that sustain our resolution, what we least want to do is harm to that person with whom we share good and happy moments. Ending a relationship in a healthy way must be something definitive.
If you find yourself in this situation, remember that you must be firm, do not be afraid and do not hesitate explaining your reasons. Do not fall into the game of blackmail and move on.
John Kim , expert in family therapy and personal relationships, gives us some interesting tips through his page theangrytherapist.com :
1. Do it in person . Never end a relationship through social networks, by phone, with a message on your cell phone or a nice little note. You would not like it if they did, right? Remember that it is a person that matters to you and who cares about you, so out of respect for everything they experienced, it deserves you to face them.
2. Be honest. With the mind cold, it is necessary to tell the other person the complete truth. It is not honest to take pretexts hackneyed like "it's not you, it's me" or "you deserve something better".
Saying the reasons why you are finishing it will help that later that person does not stay thinking that everything was perfect and that there was no reason for them to finish. It is not about blaming yourself or him, it is about explaining why you are making that decision and it is just as you should start the conversation "I have made the decision to end this relationship", without detours.
3. Do not give false hopes. It is likely that the other person has their own version of things and that they have a solution for it. You have an obligation to give an explanation about why you are deciding to break, but you are also obliged (with yourself) to hold you once you have exposed your point.
It is normal that it hurts us to see the other suffer because he is someone that matters to us, but giving the air of hope is not the right thing; In fact, it is prolonging the pain to the other person and does not deserve it. At the end of the day, if you do not give him hope and you hold firm, he will thank you in the future (although now it does not seem that way).
Being friends with your ex is not impossible, but do not try it overnight. Let each one live their grief separately and time will tell if they are ready or not to start a friendship.