• April 23, 2024

When we start a new relationship we want to know everything and we do not hesitate to ask any question to the current couple, but when it comes to tell the sexual past doubts arise whether it should be done or not.

In an interview for GetQoralHealth, José Cruz, psychologist and sexologist at DKT de México , reveals that you have the right to sexual privacy , that is, it depends on you whether or not you want to say number of couples with which you have had intimacy.

Before doing so, think about the reason why you want to reveal this part of your life: to punish him or to build something in your relationship. "

The Gestalt psychotherapist and sex education specialist points out that for the only thing that is useful to know the sexual past of people is to compete oneself (mainly with the ego), to generate discomfort and in some cases, to disguise some sexual dysfunction ".

For good or bad?

While, Akiko Bonilla Domínguez, coordinator of academic programs at Fundación México Vivo , reiterates that if people know their rights they will know that privacy is one of them and that they can enjoy a life free of any type of violence.

Talking about past sexual partners can be "good or bad," depending on the relationship where you are. For example, if there is a lot of communication and openness, maybe sharing the past experiences favors the relationship.

But, if the intention to air the information has to do with control, blackmail or conditioning , that represents sexual violence and discrimination, "says the psychotherapist.

If you are the one who asks ...

In the case that you are the one who is interested in knowing the sexual past of your partner, the sexologist José Cruz recommends:

1. Be prepared for know what to do with the information that they will give you , and know very well what you need to know. Remember that this data is your responsibility because you asked it.

2. Choose to adopt the phrase: "What was not in your year, is not your harm." Dedicate yourself to enjoy the moment with this person.

3. "Nobody bathes in the same river twice". Even if you have had one, 10 or 20 sexual partners, the fact that it is with you makes completely different unrepeatable that sexual encounter with this person

In summary, José Cruz Recommend not asking , otherwise you have to be completely sure of yourself and have a high sexual self-esteem to continue a life without comparisons.

On the other hand, Akiko Bonilla Domínguez emphasizes that there is nothing good or bad, simply if it is painful or uncomfortable for you tell your sexual past , you have the right not to share it with anyone.

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