Attachment to whom?

A concept that often causes controversy, is attachment. There are currents of thought that argue that it generates dependency and suffering. Others, on the other hand, affirm that it is necessary to create close ties and it is necessary to promote it, especially when it is related to the family.

Each with their reasons, the truth is that it is a term surrounded by confusion, so to give a real sense nothing better than to understand the role it plays in the lives of all people.

Monica Venegas, author of the book Dale Next! Editorial Urano, explains that from the moment we are conceived we generate attachment to the mother and grow with it, because it is she who covers both physical and emotional needs, which is not negative, "the problem begins when this attachment We take decision making and leave in the hands of others our ability to act and think about what benefits us.

"It affects when we renounce those capacities and we give ourselves to a postulate in which we blame everything around us for the negative experiences we experience as a result of the lack of action."

This results in the creation of a barrier that prevents progress and paralyzes fear, thus generating emotional dependence on other people, objects, personal abilities, among others.

An example of this is when an individual has a vast culture, at first can offer an interesting conversation, but gradually strives to demonstrate their knowledge and feels that this is above others.

Far from sharing and letting this own benefit flow also towards others, it is rooted in books and research to strengthen its security in the only field in which it believes it can be valuable. His dependence, is focused on learning, and something that could be very positive becomes the opposite, since he uses it to harm those around him.

 

Attachment to whom?

The expert says we can develop it in any type of relationship: family, couple, friendship and even work, the serious thing of it says, is that because it implies dependence, we seek to feel accepted or recognized to experience safety, but the risk is in that to achieve it "we are capable of dying ourselves to give life to others".

 

How does this work?

It translates into stop doing what we really want to meet the expectations of others, generate conflicts so as not to cause discomfort in others, and as difficult as it seems creates a comfort area that we do not want to leave and justify with phrases like: 'it's my cross', 'this touched me, I have to put up with it', 'finding work is very hard, I'd better stay where I am'.

The way to prevent this virtuous condition from turning against us is to learn to respect what has been given to us: freedom in its wide expression. "The first step is to take responsibility for making decisions, we can make mistakes, but we will have the certainty that we did what we thought was appropriate.

"You can receive and listen to advice, but aware that the last word is from you. Another point is to set limits and not allow anyone to blackmail us with ideas that pretend to put love, as 'I do not count on you' or 'do not come because you do not love me', you have to be assertive and make it clear that there is affection, but that it is not conditioned to the way we decide, "advises the author.

Attachment can become a condition of fear if it ceases to be a result of love, commitment, service to our own integrity and conscious delivery to loved ones, so we must stay alert to make sure that the affiliation we have towards someone else, responds to a rewarding, inspiring scenario that encourages full growth.


Video Medicine: Who Rescued Whom? Live Q&A with Human/Animal attachment expert Adam Clark (April 2021).