5 phases of the relationship as a couple

Some couples usually go through a kind of affective fatigue syndrome . That is, when the passion disappears and the silences are gaining ground; love is made only by "checking card" or by mere biological urgency and the relationship is dwindling. At what stage are you? According to American psychologists Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson , every couple relationship evolves and goes through certain phases that coincide with the mother-child relationship. These would be:Fusion (when the two feel one)Differentiation (each affirms its own identity and tests its solidity)Exploration (the ability to take distance from the other with activities of all kinds is tested)Close up (experts say that if the three previous stages have been overcome, the couple tends to join more, the communication improves and conditions are established clearly, each one is enriched by the differences of the other)Complicity (The two are more involved in the construction of the couple and in the evolution of the other, opening themselves to what surrounds them). It is then, the rapport is total and both feel that they play in the same team.

The secrets of happiness as a couple

For her part, the doctor Ellen Wachtel, couple therapist and author of the book "We love you very much, but ...", believes that life as a couple does not have to be boring, and that you can and should always keep your interest. For the specialist, there is a series of tips that facilitate a happy relationship with the couple: Consciously carry out the noble exercise of thanking. Couples who have been together for a long time fail to recognize what they give each other: they have become accustomed to receiving, without further ado. Dr. Wachtel says that admit and manifest what we like about our partner (from "I like when you cook" to "I love how you kiss me"), and declare our gratitude for what has responded to our needs or expectations, it is very effective to intensify the union. "How not to become an old shoe". The daily coexistence it makes us forget certain behaviors that, in the dawn of a relationship, we would be unable to commit. For example: opting for dishevelment, laziness or discourtesy usually take its toll on the relationship. The interest for the partner, explains the expert, is also demonstrated by making a effort to be attractive and respectful . Good manners have not gone out of fashion, despite the arrival of cell phones and personal computers into our lives. When you are with the couple, it is about avoiding getting up from the table to answer a call or having the computer open to check the mail while we are having dinner.Work is left out of the house . Finally, Dr. Wachtel points out, unloading the bad mood or the laments always on the couple creates a great distancing. It is a form of abuse of trust.


Video Medicine: Relationship Advice: The 5 Stages Of Relationships (March 2024).