• April 18, 2024

You are perfectionist ? Many women pretend to be the best in everything they do regardless of the cost they have to pay, but is this way of thinking, is it healthy?

Nowadays it is common to hear women saying "I do not have time for myself". The alarm clock sounds and we begin to fulfill all the expectations that the day demands: Caring for the children, picking up the house, going to work, fulfilling the role of wife and perpetuating a stereotype of beauty that is too high. Many women live under the shadow of perfection . In a "must be" regime.

Perfection is an illusion, in ourselves and in others. A utopian model that is unattainable in reality that leads the person to always want to be a successful professional, exemplary mother, good friend, daughter, sister and wife willing and loving.

It is pathological to live under the conviction that anything that is below an ideal of perfection is unacceptable. Putting our own limits and scope helps identify what we can do and what we can not do. Readers want to help them raise awareness to stop doing the impossible and go towards the possible and the real.

1. Learn to contact

Living a thousand times per hour takes you to evade what you are really feeling. When was the last time you allowed yourself to cry? To realize that it is human to have fears, to feel sad, to be able to express anger will help you to live with freedom and move forward in life.

2. Release the control

When we stop controlling the children or the husband, we allow them to lead their own lives and trust them to do so. Controlling leads you to lose yourself. It is very tiring living in stereotypes wanting your son to like football or your ballet girl and finally that your husband send you messages or call you at every moment.

3. Be yourself

What happens when you do not live your own life? Years go by and you realize that you always lived to the expectation of others. You never gave yourself the opportunity to be really. From going to study a course that excited you, make the birthday party that you wanted (not the one that everyone would enjoy), from buying the clothes you wanted more not the one that everyone would approve.

4. Stop idealizing the relationship

It is curious how many couples always seek to avoid situations of conflict out of fear. Is it healthy to fight? It is believed that arguing leads to aggression and becomes a symptom that there is something wrong with the relationship.

However, from time to time a discussion is needed to express unresolved needs such as frustrations, complaints, anger and sadness. A change of oneself and of the other would not be achieved if "that something" is never discovered.

5. Sexuality as an obligation

If I do not keep my partner, will I be unfaithful? Do I have to have sex 4 or 5 times a week? What happens if I do not feel like it today? The reality is that many women live worried to please, they feel pressured by always having an orgasm and forget a lot to enjoy. The key is to be able to let go of fears, to stop always satisfying and to turn more towards what one also wants.

6. Kangaroo mom

You always seek to be a good mother, a great example of discipline and a source of love. You would do everything to avoid scratches, tears and frustrations in your children. To make them happy, to feel happy at home, to stand out at school and to continually act on your principles and values.

The reality is that children are wrong and not perfect. They learn from their own mistakes and want to make an effort not to have a determined path. They long to live their own lives and not under the expectations of their own parents.

7. Learn to set limits

Not saying no, not saying what we want to say, not being in contact with what we need or want, not living our own life but that of others, creates ungovernability.

The woman of today believes that it is a must to always say everything "yes". That it is in their hands to be able to take care of everything in the home, to do more with work, to help solve the task for the children and always to serve the husband. After a while it becomes your obligation to resolve what is happening to others and you realize too late that who needs a lot of help is you.

8. Work the fault

It is important to know that it is healthy to be able to express fear, anger, sadness and being able to talk about what one feels with the couple and the children. In reality there may be times when your partner disappoints you or you are frustrated with the behavior of a child. It is worth being able to feel it! Having other feelings beyond love, understanding and empathy do not make you a designated person.

9. Out comparisons

Nobody teaches you to be a mother, nor to be a wife. This is a trial and error, so it is normal to have fears and doubts. Sometimes one can turn to close people for advice or look for a model of imitation.You get frustrated that you do not have the same patience, or you can not spend much time with the family or you just want to do different things.

The concept of "good wife" or "good mother" is unique so far from having a guideline it is important to learn to enjoy more.

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